Attn: all hiring managers

I hate you all. Seriously I do. Its not only because you bastards wont give me a job, but all of you are pretty much douche bag liars."We'll let you know by Friday whats going on." Fucking 2 weeks later I'm waiting around beating off 5 times a day so I can sleep more to pass the time.

I mean come on, did all you fuckers forget what its like to not have a job, or did you get jobs and everything handed to you your whole life. Or maybe you just worked hard and were given good advice since you were 2 years old and knew exactly how to get everything you wanted.

In any case I didn't have that shit. I was told "go to college so you can get a great job." now I'm stuck working in a bike shop making slightly more than minimum wage. I love my job, but student loans is what fucks up the whole ordeal. So basically I got fucked by college.

If i just worked for 4 years instead making a relatively low salary I could have invested the money and probably overall made more more money that i will given the principal + interest i will be paying on loans.

I would have been perfectly happy making a decent wage doing some type of hard labor like oil rigging or something with high physical toil, too bad I cant afford it now.

I am probably gonna complain here all the time until I am not struggling financially.

Life.... while drunk

So today I hae been doing some thinking, and I hae figured out that I essenially do not know who I am. I realize this may be said or thought by many people but as many times as I have come to this situatiation, I think this time may be different.

What am I looking to get out of life? How can I just turn it into video game principles and "win" before I run out of time?

I have lived in a series of If then statements saying "If this happens, then I will do this" but i am finding I should just let that whole idea go, but it is hard to let that go. making decisions and being proactive on certain issues will make me at fault for any further mistakes. I will not be able to say, "well I only did this because of this," i will be in complete control wich will be very scary.

My paranoia is starting to get the best of me i guess. Or am I just giving up and not being willing to think things through and fight for the perfect ending I am looking for? Its so hard to know when to give up or to keep on fighting.

Soo many questions....