My PhD

I have decided what I will study in my spare time whenever that comes around. For one I want to learn as much as possible about psychology. Second I want to learn how to paint and draw as best as possible.

They are interrelated in the sense that one will help the other. I shall explain...

The study of psychology will lead me to understand the insanity that lies in my own mind. The millions of things I don't understand ultimately teaching me the many options and avenues that are available to walk down.

The art would lead me to express these ideas that I would love to put down on paper and i just don't feel I could show with words.

I come up with what I think would be a great idea for a drawing but I do not have the skills to do it. For example as I was driving today I got the odd feeling liek I was just falling off of the face of the earth. When I got to my destination I saw on the wall a painting of the two hands where god is reaching to touch man. It is a great representation of what may people believe in. To that affect I feel I could to the same, but probably on a much smaller scale. Maybe 5 people would agree with it in the world, but thats enough for me just so I don't feel alone.

Just imagine a picture of the earth and it has a face made up of the rough terrain on the planet like mountains for eyes and a continent for a nose etc. and out of the left eyes is a a hue water fall with a person in it dangling away from the world. Or it could be more like a sad smiley face with the earths general make up on it with a big tear and a small person in it.

But I guess my current life question about everything is..., how can you hold on to everyone in you life and should you?

Had to do it

I was told I needed to write so forgive me if this is incoherent babble. A few truths I have found; 1) to win any argument change the subject to a slight tangent that you are indisputable correct about. 2) There is no female to male double standard 3)People don't actually work in the office

1) I have constant arguments with people in these times being that it is football season. And one thing I have learned is that it doesn't matter what you want to argue is the truth. The winner of the argument is the first one to change the subject.
As a cowboy fan I argue that Demarcus Ware is the fastest most effective linebacker in the league. I get that he isn't and when I have pointed out his stats I hear that Michael Strahan has the most sacks in history. Being a retired Linebacker the point is irrelevant but I am still the one to lose the argument.

2) I keep hearing about this female double standard to being a whore. There is no double standard. Anyone who has sex with a lot of people (which is a relative remark to all) is a whore. Men are just able to be ok with it more. I don't care if any of my friends are whores. I my friend who have had sex with 100 people are just as much as my female friends who have done the same. That still does not at all change if you are a nice person.

I am way more judgmental of the people that a person has slept with as opposed to the amount. If you sleep with a drunk fat smelly guy or girl you kinda disgust me no matter what your sex is. The way the double standard has arrived is in women. Men have not created this. Women HATE women who get a lot of sex and men love to either hang out with them or just have them as a last resort.

The only female whores I hate are the ones who only get with guys because of there financial or social status. But I love all of the women who will disregard that and still sleep with you. And I think that is how the American male population feels in general.

3) I am used to doing installs and being a bottom of the line worker bee. Last Friday my bosses bosses were out so I looked at NFL stats for the first 45 minutes of work. Then I did some work for a couple hours. After that I went to lunch for about 2 hours where I ate and drank a few beers with other workers. Then I came bake to work buzzed worked for a little bit and continued to play football in the warehouse.

I'm not usually working in the office because I have installation to do and its a lot of work. But as soon as possible I plan on going for that really hard office job that everyone tells me about (that was sarcasm about it being hard)

Thats my semi-drunken rant...

Compassion

Compassion is the greatest emotion any human can feel. It is "the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it." Everyone has it in some point of their life. Some for longer than others. I don't know how people lose their way but they do. As I get older I feel more and more people are losing this quality, including myself. Most people with any sort of conscience can feel the suffering of other people but how often do we do something about it. If everyone could live with the full definition of compassion the world would become a much better place.

I had to do it

A lot has happened over the past few months. I grew a new ultra hate for my current job, I have a girlfriend, and more than ever emotions have been running more rampant than usual. but as usual I have been seeing things I dont understand. More recently I have grown the urge to write about them.

Crazy thing number 1

I stayed on a plantation....

yes I did. And it was the plantation that my girlfriends mom lives on. how fuckin weird is that. If you arent black you may not already know that I freaked the fuck out. Yes I did. It was crazy. A plantation!!! I didn't know that they existed still until recently. I was hoping they were all burned and became memorials. But obviosly that would not be practical because the US would lose millions of acres of farmland which is understandable. But fuck that shit was scary. plus I was fucking wasted.

Then thee was a door that all of a sudden moved!!!! because it wast fuckin there..., but then it wasnt. Anyway it was scary and all i had was alcohol. I dont think that shit will normally make you hallucinate.


Crazy thing number 2

I had a meeting with my employers...

I am a entry level 1 (helper installer)...

from the sounds of things I am supposed to help some one better than me with their job. Yet i do my job alone or with someone with the same title as me who I have more experience than and because I have this college education from a private school which everyone told me would be helpful I ear an extra 75 cents an hour after only 2 months when it would take a High School education person 6 months to have obtained that. WOW I'm just great. It was also great teaching people who were hired as my boss how to do their job. That was fun.


Crazy thing number 3

I was pulled over by a cop....

It was seemingly a perfectly normal stop. I was pulled over doing 35 in a 25. But there were a lot of odd circumstances. I was driving down a one lane road. between 2 other drivers on a one lane road ( one in front one in back). I was going down a hill. and this his is steep enough that if you were on any bicycle without pedaling you'd be traveling at about 35 mph. So as a black male..., I was afraid. I was told that it was a Friday night and many people were being pulled over for drunk driving. I was in the midst of training for a triathlon so i hadn't drank in weeks. I had my entire car searched because of the possibility of drunk driving and for the possibility of weapons which i was asked were under my possession several times. My car was searched by 2 cops.

I was afraid id be killed for no reason to be quite honest so i let the search my car. plus I was too broke to pay a ticket. It was just a weird mishap.





Anyway Im drunk now... till next time



I hope I'll write more

Learn how to have conversations

I really need to get a grip on greetings and small conversation. Every time I interact with a new person I get nervous and always fuck it up so with in the first few seconds I speak they think I'm an idiot. I was in Toys r us buying a guitar for Rock Band as I am walking to the checkout line the cashier says hi, and my immediate response to that was "fine" There was no "how are you" or anything like that. I'm just jumping threw the conversation and destroying the normal order of events.


I need some sort of opening conversation class or something